"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed"

It's not tech-related, but I'm sharing for two reasons:

• If someone digs this far to get into my business or discern whether I'm authentic or not, you deserve it. 😂 Thanks for reading my blog; it's definitely a weird one.
• It feels better to "publicly" announce something that has cut me so deep; that's the creative writing professional trying to resurface.

My long-time partner of 4 years broke up with me. I'm pretty devastated but also relieved, and I understand that I strongly invited this situation.

I think I (/we) had fallen for a comfort trap, and I let myself give a little too much. This is typical for me, and I'd argue it's the second time it happened. There are plenty of recovering people-pleaser heavy givers like me, and we owe it to ourselves to really dig deep and ask, "Do you have the cognitive ability to stand up for yourself? So what if that makes your partner not want to be with you; you deserve better. You deserve to live truthfully."

I am still interested in re-visiting the relationship after a solid year of solitude for me, but I have a strong feeling I'm going to feel so much love from my friendships that I'll think twice before getting into another relationship (or maybe I'll look at this post and laugh).

He taught me so much about myself, and I think I "left the garden better than I found it" for him in a lot of ways. That's what his mom says anyway... I've never had a "mother-in-law" be so kind to me, and that's one of the parts that stings the most.

I am so grateful for that experience (beyond crying myself to sleep the last couple of days haha). Years ago I also left something probably better than this when I got divorced, so this Karmatic retribution and slap in the face came at a time in which I needed a huge wake-up call. My life is at its lowest on paper, but I feel mentally stronger than ever. That's just sometimes how this works.

As for tech (because hellooooo, back to me and the potential I have for success) I'm taking the second half of the Comptia+ Core 2 exam this month. Comptia A+ is the GED of IT, but I'm still proud of myself and thankful for programs like Per Scholas in a period of my life where it feels like I have no structure and nothing to lose. Rather than "having nothing," I will try my best while I'm healing to think of this as a clean slate-- a period of life where anything is possible.